Putamanas

Dear..........

To me many days have passed by, with you some times and most of the time without you. When I was with you, I had fear of loosing, when you are away, I was feared of loosing my self. Why didn't death come to me when the day you left, and Why did you leave me with only memories of you...........................

I did cry, I did lie, I did die............ Killing my self was so hard on me. I would be more happy if you had done that to me, instead of leaving me in this world to kill my self. How could you do that, when all I said was that "I love you.............................................. "

Now, I don't have the tears left in my eyes to cry, I need not lie, and I cannot think of death, leaving is not too tough now a days. I just can live and also be happy. But to be back to this life, there was one loud cry, one big lie and once self sacrifice..................

Today, here I stand with peace, happy and love. This day I have the one, who loves me a lot, probably more than I loved you, This time I have all the faces for the one I love to. I have you and more than that, then why did I kill my self......................

Here I'm again in agony, for killing the one who is much required for my love. for crying the last cheer which is required for my heart, for telling the lies required to make around happy. Is this all you gave it to me, You have left me without my self...............

Thanks............... All that lasts, never ends....................

Call -3:
“Do you know, you are the only guy whom I speak such a lot of time. I don’t know why. You are the only person”…………

Call -2:
“Tum aaiye to havahomee ek nasha hai”…
“Aur kya,, aur kya, aur pyaaaaaar” ……

Call -1:
“I need to speak to you, about my life”…….

Call 0:
“Shall we meet tomorrow”……

Call 1:
“No don’t do this to me……
Speak to me………
Pls I beg you. Don’t leave me in this half dead situation.
I just can’t leave without out. Please…….. Please……. Please…….” The other side of the phone disconnects…

Call 2:
“Please, don’t get it wrong. I never meant in that way. I still want to continue with you. Don’t leave me please.”…… “No don’t call me again, and just don’t call me again”…….. Again a disconnected phone

Call 4:
“Hello please, please no, do not disconnect”. Hang………

Call 5:
“Hello, if you don’t speak this will be my last call”……. Death, Why didn’t come to me on this day…

Call 7:
“I’m sorry… Sorry…… Sorry…… Sorry….. Please, don’t make me feel like this. Sorry, I beg you please”…….
The few sorrys of this

Call 8:
"...................................."

Call 9:

"If you don't respnd, This will be my last call. .................." "................"

__________________________
after few months
__________________________

last call -1:
Last day she had went out with him.

The last Call:
Next day is my wedding, will you come to marriage, for me…………

Everything Ends, With a New Begining.

Interpret As you Like it..

Santosh

No, "I don't need one of yours on my style".

Why don't i encourage the comments on my style.

The only motivating factor that I write is to store my self. To see in future how was i, Just to understand the
Don't mind, I don't....... I love to here good things about it. Not that i don't encourage it, But please don't tell it to improve it. I loose my self when i try to here the world. It expects a lot from a derived indiviual.

No, No comments please.......

"Shall we go to a beach", Well you were very exited to hear that. Is that you love the beach a lot or my presence ? The journey was not long, its never long when I sit beside you holding your hand. Along the way you were exited of the back waters and the sea shores. You held me tight, with lots of exitement. Then after getting down from the sea shore, we went out for boting. It was great, the place the island and the slow waves of water.

Then we sat for a long time along the temple. I don't know whether you were tired of the journey, you took rest. That's were i hugged u. But the place was not too confortable to sit. We just walked along the place of the beach.

There was these small little steps that were put along the shore made me mad. This madness of me was followed by a HUG. The close and the tight one. I never wanted to leave you. It changes all my emotions, the desires, I just want to be like that for ever. I neither care for the rain or the sun. Nor the sea of the flood. I just want to be like that .

It makes all my nerves to fall all the way to the world of great emotions. The dream of the soul has been teased, the mind looses its control, the hand waves, and me "lost".

I always thing, What is that, it makes me so much out of me. What is that, it burns in me, Why is that i never want to go away, why do i feel a lots of satisfaction in my soul, Why is that I never want ot leave you when i hug u.

The "or" was never answered, I don't know why in this world, the "or" factor remains unanswered for a long time.

I got to know by my friend that the days were pretty not going so smooth when you got your job. I expected you to be very happy and enjoying. No I did not see that excitement in you. Neither you were very eager to tell that you had got a job, after struggling for more than a Year. Was the job not worth it "or" the fact of I was not with u.

When I called you up after a week you got your offer, you were surprised. The surprise was just there !. Things was just starting a bit smoother then. I started calling you up more often. Just like to have your mood set right to this situation. I was not surprised by your intention of your mood "The hatred against guys". ( Well It did not take too much time for you to consider not all are like that, or at least I was not one of them. ) I don't know why didn't you show me that haltered you had. Is it that you didn't want to hurt me "or" you liked me.

Days started slowly, with good words to speak when u called. I was very much surprised by not seeing any response from your side, when I first called you sweety. Then the greeting continued with always the most sweetest word " Sweety". Ya sweety tell me, weren't you surprised by my greeting "or" were you expecting it from me much before.

The calls started up to meetings. We met often than required. Those days of going to temple together. It was great and more than that the corner house. I don't remember how many times you have paid for me. I feel you wouldn't mind it for paying for me. More than every place I like the coffee day. I enjoyed the uncertainty of your dad being there for a movement. The topics started with long walk from the temple to near your place, the long chat that we did how people think about each other. What made your life change, what's good in me. and more and more. When the more I talked with you I was missing you a lot the next day. Then I responded with the great word "I miss u", you know how it feels when I tell it. You never objected me for telling this word, Is it because you liked it "or" were u missing me also.

Things passed very slowly, when we started speaking about the marriage. Well u had already had met one and he rejected it after a month. Well this was why you hated the guys isn't it ? The Next time you had been to meet a guy to marry, you did not like him. I never asked you about this, but you told me that you did not liked him. Even then this happened once ageing, neither you liked him also. Is it that you did not like them "or" was it that you loved me ?

Well one day you called me up, and informed that a guy has proposed u for a marriage. You were not happy with that. Then the next day you called me up and informed me that all guys are like that. I was not surprised by your words. Well on the course of the same talk you asked me do you have the same intension. Well I was not sure of what to answer, should I say no "or" should I say I like u.

When I had been to a temple where u had prayed for your marriage to get soon. You bought me a gift. It meant a lot to me. I was really happy about your small gift. It was something great to me. Still I don't know why I was happy about it a lot, Is it that I was happy because you bought it for me "or" I was liking you a lot.

Days was not too long when u started stop meeting and pushing our meeting for next day or week, and then we never met. Then I got to know that you had accepted an offer from a guy to get married. But why didn't to tell it early, Is that you didn't want to hurt me "or" were to angry on me, because of not proposing you.

Just after a week of your marriage, I had been to the same plays near the temple, "Alone" and for a week. I was just lost in the jungle to find my self what was I doing. It was sure that I was not thinking much of you. But I never could understand my self in that stage. I was surprised by my decision to stay alone in the jungle. Did I really like that loneliness "or" I was too late to know that I loved U?

More over all this.. I don't know why didn't you propose me all the days,
Didn't you loved me "or" ...........

Raj............
It was strange for me to call a girl by name Raj.... I really don't understand the meaning of me calling a girl .. "Raj"... I was too young to find a girl friend for my self at the age of 17. Never I wanted one nor I was interested in it. But still that was the age to just fall in to the trap. That is where I found this beautiful girl Raj.

College days was good for me to enjoy the happy look around mood for me. I do, I used to see girls a lot. The best part was the Stare, that was shot straight into the enemies eyes.

My game of this stare competition was like this. You look at a girls eyes whom you have never spoken to , If she looks back straight into your eyes, then the game starts. The looser is the one who stops looking into the eyes. Many people who had looked back to me, and was in the war did not last for more than 3 sec. :-)

Raj.. I don't remember when the game started of this slight little stare. Before me knowing I was in the game, and mastering the skills all the way. I considered my self as alone champion in the world of stare. Here was the girl who for the first time had the dare to look back into my eyes. Now I was feared of defeat. The defeat that might cost my life. I just couldn't imagine that the strong wave from this girl might shake me to death and get lost in the lonely sea.

Raj.. You never know, you are the only girl who had the dare to look me back, straight back into my eyes. What made you to do that? I was very exhausted by the trill of your stare ? Every day I used to come to college and see you.

Young chapter has just changed my mood to miss you a lot those days. Now neither I have one to stare nor I do stare. I miss you, more than you, its your eyes and the long last stare.

Waiting to catch one more glimpse of that feared heart beat.

Oye...
There turns the smile of my love, who is waiting for me for half an hour. "Sorry dear, I'm late". I could never imagine my self when I was always late to meet you. Do you know, I never got a chance to wait for you, for the one I love! Even though I have waited for you for 20 years of my life, even though I never knew you before 2 year. I used to wait for you in my dreams, in my room, in my heart and where not. Finally you are here, waiting for me ! Well surely this time I will come early and wait for you. I just want to enjoy the feeling.

Sweety...
The first sweet word when I told to you, do you know it was full of love and heart. I could never imagine that sounded like a dog's pet name for you ! I was surprised, The day on there were no sweetys and I really miss that word dear.

Do you remember the first time that we met, in the unknown land of beaches. There was only you and me other than the deep blue sky, the reflecting sea, the clouds that make you smile and breeze of the bliss. That day has changed my view of life. Every step with you was romantic. The first time I could know what was it all about love when I held you hand. I really cannot understand what is that passes in my body, the chemical of bliss, the joy the love. It was all just holding your hand. I sang all the day for you. " I wanna hold your hand ".

I have made many friends who became very close to me in just a short span of time. In you case it took almost two years to just hold your hand. But it did not stop till there. Do you still remember how was the first hug. You pretended as if you never wanted me to hug you. Do you know in the same place you have hugged me more than I wanted. I still want to do that. Just stay in you arm in the middle of the deep blue sky and the reflecting sea.

You don't belive that I have come to see you again after 6 months. I could never imagine my self how many times I have seen my self in the mirror. How maany hours that I have spent for chooseing the dress to wear. Hence I never took a risk for choosing some gift. There was no time for me, all these days before I could meet you. All my mind, my soul my body was full of you. You and only you.

Oye..
There turns the smile of my love, who is waiting for me, for the last few hours. "sorry............

It was all the days matter when I just got a slight smile of you. I could never thing that it has come so for till kissing every part of your body. Sometimes I just can't belive that even a smile can take you to a large distance. I wonder how could you do it. Any way it was just a matter of minutes. :-)

Well now here I'm thinking about you, remembering the hours of night that I spent under you. Speak of different Words that never made any sense to us. Meet up in our old place, where I still feel to wait for a few more hours and spend some more time with you. Do you know one one thing, if I do pass in that way, I stop my car and sit for a while. Just to remember all the smiles of you.

I can still feel the smile that I have ever seen is yours when there was a first kiss. I know you will be here for the next year. Hope to meet you once on at the same place. I shall be just here, to get the one best thing that you give. Smile :-) that comes out of a kiss.